Wearing sexual labels
By Ali the Sexpert
January 28, 2009
 We live in a world of opposites: up and down, right and left, black and white, that reaches into our social life as well, encompassing our gender and sexual socialization. We refer to genders in opposites, too, like simply male or female.
We know about gay or straight when referring to someone’s sexual orientation. But we tend to have problems with terms that are not as clearly defined such as bisexual.
Some people use labels that are much more liberating and less confining to describe their gender or sexual orientation.
Even though dualistic labels such as bisexual seem to give an option to choose – it is still a restricted option that continues to create binaries in our social world that can be harmful.
"Alternative" labels
When something is “different” it is often categorized as “alternative” which refers to the idea that it is not the “norm.” This is still the way gender and sexual orientation is understood today in the western society.
This is a negative way to understand how a person defines their own gender or sexual orientation. People who do not so easily fit into the neat predetermined boxes of gender or sexual orientation are letting their new labels and ways of identifying be known to others.
One label that many people who do not fit into the traditional gendered boxes use to identify themselves is called “Genderqueer.” This is an umbrella term that refers to the fluidity and openness about one’s gender.
People who identify this way think of themselves as being both male and female, as being neither male nor female, or they identify completely outside the gender binary of male or female. Some people who identify as
Genderqueer may have certain features of the opposite biological sex, and others may not have any distinctive characteristics at all, and they may appear to be more androgynous. This can be confusing to those who are used to everyone identifying themselves as male or female.
A label that is used by people who do not want to identify their sexual orientation as dualistic is pansexual or omnisexual. This refers to a person who is attracted to others not for their gender, but for the person they are inside. “Pan” and “omni” refer to “many” and “all,” indicating the fluidity and multiplicity of attraction and desire.
More people are now using this identity to be more inclusive, realizing that they are attracted to more than just the typical male and female genders.
Deconstructing binaries
When it comes to social roles, we love to define everyone and everything in order to make sense of it. This is not a bad thing, but what is problematic is when we start labeling others against their will, or when we assume a label that a person does not identify with.
This is particularly difficult when we conflate gender and sexuality when they are very different. Gender refers to the social role that is assumed by men and women and it describes the masculine and feminine characteristics that are expected from that social group. Sexual orientation refers to the emotional, romantic, sexual attraction or desire towards others.
A person’s sexuality is expected socially to correspond with their gender. Women are supposed to be attracted to men and vice versa. But even if you are not straight the same idea still applies.
For example, if you are gay, then you are often called a homosexual (referring to the gender and sexual orientation). If you are a gay woman, you are called a lesbian – that goes along with the gender and sexual orientation of the woman.
They are not easily removed from one another. These types of labels can be helpful, but when you do no define yourself among these social codes, it often gets more complicated for those around you who do.
When referring to gender or sexual orientation, it is important to keep an open and inquisitive mind, because things are not always what they may seem to be.
The term bisexual refers to an attraction to both males and females. Bisexuals may use this label because they do not know another one exists, which has been found to be the case for several people who identify as bisexual.
On the contrary, others who use this label may not be attracted to anyone who falls outside the gender binary of male or female. However, since the term bisexual is understood this way, there have been many negative stereotypes and associations with the word.
Some people believe that when a person identifies as bisexual, they are being “greedy,” indecisive, or confused. Other stereotypes include an assumption that all bisexuals are promiscuous and that they cannot be faithful in their relationships.
Yet, recent research by Lisa M. Diamond, a psychologist from the University of Utah, proves this is not true. Diamond conducted a 10-year study of 79 non-heterosexual women and found that those who use the bisexual label maintained their attractions to males and females.
Her research also found that bisexual women are able to commit to long-term monogamous relationships.
Living in a dualistic world may intend to clarify confusion about gender and sexual orientation labels, but in that process it also restricts people who do not fit into those predetermined labels, and it also leads to discriminations of all kinds.
It is important to remember that everyone is different and if you are not sure how a person identifies but you are curious, then the most polite way to address this curiosity is to ask them directly.
This is better than assuming you know or understand how they identify, which may cause confusion down the line for you. Or worse, it may lead to thoughts and feelings of discrimination against those who are different than you. But discrimination is often bred from fear, in order to eliminate this – just ask!
Ali the Sexpert aka Allisa Scott is a researcher and teacher in the field of sexuality. She has two degrees from U Windsor (Honours BA in Sociology); MA in Social Work (WLU); MA degree is Sociology with a published thesis about sexuality. She also holds a minor in studies in sexuality from Windsor.
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